Tag: alone

Walk The Line

Walk The Line

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Friendships Versus Hardships

 

The hard truths of handling your friendships (and relationships, for that matter), and going through amputation is definitely a hot topic in our community. And quite frankly, if you are going through ANY hardship you might feel a sense of pull back or even a good friend vanish into thin air as if they were just a figment of your imagination.

Becoming an amputee is a lonely gig. You deal with a lot of emotions, phantom pains and unnatural feelings that cannot be explained to someone who hasn’t gone through the lose of a limb, the fitting and feels of a socket and metal leg, not to mention the night time when pains take over and the dark and quietness of the night are suffocating, etc, etc, etc.

Now, add to this the frustrations you feel when the surgery is all done, you’ve healed and life goes on….. for everyone else around you! Yet here you are still stuck with the pains, sensations, feeling vulnerable, questioning your future and your independence, doubting yourself, hating the way you look and feel, being angry and sad all in the same breathe, but your closest friends just can’t listen to it all anymore, they’ve moved on, but you haven’t.

Well, it’s time to check yourself. Are you consumed with all the things you’re feeling or spending hours upon hours in a negative place, struggling to get out? Have you tried to see yourself as more than an amputee or the victim of this scenario?

I don’t blame you, we all have those days but you cannot live there! It’s unhealthy and that negative energy that will ruin you and your relationships. It’s time to find your space and that means seeing the positive, finding the beauty where you are at. Finding your purpose and allowing that to fuel you won’t only do you good it’ll draw others to you, like a beacon on a darkened hilltop.

 

 

This does not mean that you shouldn’t validate your pain or your feelings, but it does mean find a balance. I don’t talk about the pain I go through because talking about it gives it power and I won’t have that. It doesn’t serve me or make me feel better so I push it aside. However somedays it is all I can do not to spend a day in tears because I cannot escape my pain, and those days I let me family and close friends know what I’m going through so they aren’t smacked with my emotions and possible anger.

There are two sides to this fine line we walk, and our relationships, if important and valuable to us, must be a constant give and take. We cannot expect those who love us to sit and listen to all of our negativity while we change nothing or try to help ourselves. And remember, everyone has hardships. Are you caring about those who you love like you expect them to care about you?

We must be willing to reciprocate that compassion. Even as amputees, when we are having a great day that’s a perfect time for us to support someone who isn’t. We must learn to fill each other up, not just take and deplete our relationships to they are dried out and a dark void.

Relationships die, and people leave when they no longer feel seen, heard, or cared about.

On the flip side, friends come into our lives for seasons, reasons, or lifetimes. There are some people that just are not cut out to deal with someone else’s plight, or have low tolerance for negative chatter, they may need more attention than you can give while dealing with your amputation or they are threatened by you situation. Whatever it is, it may not be on you.

 

 

The two sides:

Side 1: As an amputee who feels like everyone is leaving you.

Are you speaking more negatives than positives?

Are you monopolizing every conversation with talk about your “predicament”?

Is the only thing on your mind your ampuatation and nothing else seems to matter?

Then you need to flip the switch and start speaking positivity into your life and into your family and friends’ lives. Your amputation does NOT define you, it does NOT limit you, only you can do that.

Are your relationships important? Then find a balance. I’m not saying you should never talk about your problem or your struggles but remember that there is more to you and life than your amputation.

Find the positive of being an amputee even if you need to force a bad joke. I always tell my family when my handicap sign saves us from awful walk to an event, “Thank Goodness, my lack of a leg saved us again! You’re welcome!” We laugh and truly enjoy the perks, and I’m happy it hs afforded us some great seats at sporting events. *Perk!

Side 2: The friend or family member of an amputee

What they are going through is hard and we are told that we may grieve the lose of our limb like we grieve when someone dies.

Remember that healing from an amputation is only the beginning of our journey and everyday is so very different. The first 2 years is screwy, hard, emotional, and leaves us feeling lone in a crowded room. Allow your friend or family member talk about it and grieve and cry and scream. BUTTTTTT,  don’t let them live there. Remind them of what they have and that there is more to life.

Be honest with them too. If you care about them and love them let them know when they are plunging into a dark place before it’s too late. Tell them you need to be heard, loved, and seen.

There are two sides to this new journey and no one should go it alone, just make sure you are finding a balance, for your sake and your loved ones.

You are truly amazing.

You’ve come this far, it’s time to fight the good fight and find your purpose and start living your best life!

Rise up, Dear Warriors, Rise UP!!!!!

You are more than your body, you are a soul, a light for a dark world, you are love!

Have a beautiful week and as always,

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!!

 

Much love,

 

 

 

 

Alone in the Dark

Alone in the Dark

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 31:25 — 32.9MB)

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Getting Through the Tough Times

 

Oh the nights are so tough!

Have you been there?

Have you laid in the utter darkness and the quiet is deafening, the pain is unbearable, and you feel like you will ever get through this moment of phantom pain?

Yep, the reality is, we all go through it at some point or another, to varying degrees.

The last two nights, for me, have started great, I feel asleep and wasn’t feeling anything in the way of phantom pain. However, as soon as I shift, the sensations would start and the I couldn’t shut them off!

It’s almost unbearable. To sit in the dark, feeling like your body is screaming out loud, and no one else knows. My husband, laying right next to me, has no idea what I am feeling or that I am even going through this…. and he won’t know until morning.

Have you experienced this?

How about when you are out and about in a crowded store or venue, and your limb is on fire, or a sore within your socket is rubbing raw and stinging? And no one knows the pain you are feeling as you stand in line at the grocery store?

Such is the life of an amputee.

It comes and goes.

Most of the time there is no warning, it just comes at you.

 

 

So how do you deal with this, seeing as this is your life now?

First off, we all deal with pain differently, what works for one person won’t work for another.

As you experience these “episodes” you will learn what works for you (oh, and for added fun, what worked last time for you might not work the next). You can only prepare yourself for the mental battles ahead.

Communicate. Let the people around you know how you are feeling and what you need. They can’t see what’s happening within you and not everyday, all day is bad. Make sure you speak up and not assume they understand.

 

 

Build mental toughness. Use positivity and positive self-talk to get through hard times. You can redirect how your brain process what you are going through by the way you address it, internally and out loud.

 

 

Try not to fall back on medications every time you feel “out of sorts”. This goes for people dealing with the average phantom sensations/pains. I do not know what you’ve been going through and what you have been prescribed, so you need to do what you need to do but I will tell you that I will only use Tylenol or Advil once in a blue moon, when all else fails and when I can’t take anymore. There is no right way to handle an episode, but if you can stay away from prescription medication, and start leaning on your own devices to handle the mental situation, then do it. You’ll be stronger in the long run and your body will thank you.

 

 

These moments are truly times to develop your mental toughness. Sometimes we just need to hit them head on to become a stronger version of ourselves so we are ready for the next battle.

Finding time for myself to breathe and let go, helps me thru hard times

 

Don’t forget you were made to fight, and survive. You are a Warrior, you just need to unleash its within you and believe that you are strong enough to handle it.

Rise up, Warrior, and face your battles with inner strength!

You can do it, and you are not alone!

 

I pray you have a wonderful week ahead,

And as always,

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!!

Much love,

 

Remember: You are Beautiful, so just Be-YOU!
Peter Pan Said It Best

Peter Pan Said It Best

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“To live will be an awfully big adventure.”     -Peter Pan

And to live well, is even better.

Sometimes it might feel like the world is coming down all around you and you can barely breathe. We can get so wrapped up in our own journey, or life, that we forget that there are others out there hurting and dealing with their own struggles.  There are people who don’t know if they can make it one more day, are in so much pain, or ready to give up because they feel alone and unseen.

That’s where I want to take you today. No matter what you may be going through there is someone out there who is in need and probably worse off than you.  Maybe they feel they have no one to talk to or rely on. Maybe they are in so much pain that it has become unbearable to deal with. Maybe they got yet another piece of bad news that is pushing them to their limits.

This is where we can come in and help ourselves while helping others.  I have said it before and I’ll say it again, if I sit around thinking of everything that feels painful or uncomfortable in my own life or spend time dwelling on what I can’t do then I am going to find myself throwing a pity party. This, no one wants to see.  And I can’t say that I’m truly living if I approach life like this.  What I CAN do is reach out to friends, family, neighbors, who are in need of a friend or someone to talk to and let them know I care, and that I am there for them.  I could send a note, a text, take them a coffee or lunch.  Sometimes, just taking time out of our busy days, could be what saves someone that day.

You see, we have become a society that has become so busy in our own lives, wrapped up in our own problems, it has become every man/woman for themselves, and it’s hurting us.

When I decided to amputate, sure I had my own goals about how I’d bounce back and become active, but I also wanted to make sure I was helping someone else along the way. I worked with St Jude Children’s Research Hospital, and Range Of Motion Project these past 3 years.  What I found by fundraising and being actively involved with these groups was that it lifted me up, too!  I found a purpose outside of my own life, helping others.  What an amazing feeling this was…so I continued to help.  Then I started hearing from people that were struggling to wear their prosthesis, so I started calling and talking with them and making videos of what it’s like to start a new activity, as an amputee, and being transparent about my own struggles.

People just want to be seen, to not feel alone in this life. Life is a big adventure, and to live it well is an even bigger adventure. One worth the journey, the heartache and the pain we sometimes feel.

“All the world is made of Faith, Trust, and Pixie Dust.”    -Peter Pan

May you be someone’s “pixie dust” this week. See how you can be, below.⬇️

 

This week, reach out to someone that may need a friend.  Maybe it’s a neighbor, an old friend, or a family member. Touch base with them. Send a text, and email, pick up the phone and call them, invite them for coffee or lunch.  Try to connect with someone each day until we meet again next week.  You may be surprised what this will also do for you.

Sometimes when we put aside our own struggles to help someone else, we benefit more than we can even imagine.  Be someone’s pixie dust this week, and watch how your life changes as you do.

 

As always:

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!

 

Much love,

Angie

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