Tag: fear

Overcoming Fear Part 3 of 3

Overcoming Fear Part 3 of 3

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Fear of Letting Go

 

As we come to the end of this three part series on overcoming fear I feel that today’s podcast of Letting Go to be a big one, especially for amputees. Not that we all don’t struggle with letting go of: the past, what we can’t control, and toxic relationships, but because as an amputee myself I have seen and heard of so many amputees struggling with these three aspects of letting go.

 

 

For most of us, not living in the past is hard. We all tend to have some part of our heart in the past. Sometimes we fear that letting go of the past will also mean we will forget something that was beautiful about it. Memories stay but that doesn’t mean that “living” there is a good thing, especially when we deeply miss some major part of it or, worse yet, can’t forgive a transgression against us that happened in the past. I know several amputees who became an amputee due to a past wrong done to them: a drunk driver, a negligent driver that they were a passenger with, and those pasts NEED to be left there. I know I can’t speak to this struggle as it is not my story nor my journey, however, I have talked with and watched the lives of people I have met that are dealing with this and one common thread amongst them is lack of joy and lack of healing.  These are the people I have seen struggling with being an amputee, finding purpose, finding joy, and those who struggle to feel peace in their new place, struggling to feel good in their prosthetic and the fit, even not healing correctly or in a timely matter. Our minds are strong and can determine how we see ourselves and our lives, dictating how we feel and function. When we get stuck in a place of anger and blaming our circumstances on a past transgression, we aren’t punishing the offender we are punishing ourselves!

Doesn’t knowing this make you want to work at forgiveness, for the sake of our own lives? You aren’t saying that what this person did to you and your life is OK, you are just letting yourself let go of the one thing that could be holding you back from recovery and living a healthy, happy life….Aren’t you worth that? (I think you are!)

 

Another aspect is letting go of things out of your control.

So you’re an amputee now. Now what?

Your limb is gone, and never growing back. Time to move forward. Learning to embrace where you are at in your journey is half the battle. You can’t change what happened, but you can control HOW you handle it. If you sit and worry about healing, the prosthesis, the fear of being or not being able to walk again, etc, you are just going to stress yourself out and you are worry about something that isn’t important right this minute. Stop, breathe, live for RIGHT now. Can you find something to be happy about, right now? I bet you can. Maybe it’s that you survived, you healed well, you aren’t on pain meds anymore. Maybe it’s that you have a family that is there for you, a friend group who is surrounding you with love, support, and prayers. Maybe it’s a pet that is glad you are home (they don’t care if you have one less leg or not!) Perspective! Do you have it? You can’t control something that has already happened to you, you can’t control how long it will take you to heal, or if your prosthetist is going to be “the one”. You can control your emotions, your outlook, your decisions. Start there, and let the Higher Powers that Be do their thing. If you spend your time worried and wondering how long before staples come out, how insurance might deny you, how long before I get a prosthesis that fits right you will be exhausted from all that worrying. That’s not productive nor is it beneficial to your health (mental or physical). Learn to let go of the things you can’t control and start dealing with the items within your control. You’ll be surprised how happy you will be.

 

 

Finally, letting go of relationships. Now, as an amputee, and one who has been listening to new amputees talk about the beginning stages of getting fitted for their first prosthetics I am highly speaking of this perspective….however, some of you listening may be in a toxic relationship, one that has been negative toward you, not supportive, or downright mean, take this as you see fit.

You do not owe anyone the benefit of sticking around when it is not in your best interest!

As I speak of this I am directing this mostly toward new amputees who think that their prosthetist is their prosthetist, no matter what. Some of you how found yourself in a hospital bed, only to wake up from an accident, missing a limb, have been given a prosthetist by the hospital and you know nothing about them. Some of you live in a small town where there is only one company and you lack options. I am here to tell you that you do NOT have to sacrifice good, personal care because of those circumstances. You CAN shop around. You can change who is handling your fitting to someone more connected with you, more caring, and understanding of YOUR situation. Even though they handle amputees day in and day out, doesn’t mean they know YOU. You are unique, even as an amputee. What works for one Above Knee Amputee, doesn’t work for another. We are all different, from our age, how we became an amputee, our health and activity level, etc. These all determine how we handle a prosthetic, to how it fits, and what kind we need.

Unfortunately, we consider our prosthetist, like doctors, as the professional and take their word on all matters about our fitting. The problem is, we are the professionals of our own body and we know what feels good and what doesn’t. It’s ok to speak up. It’s ok to communicate and ask for changes. And it is definitely ok to change who you are using when you feel that you are not getting the care that you need.  Most of us don’t want to “rock the boat” and don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, and you don’t have to. You just need to know when you’ve given your prosthetist several opportunities to make things right by you and when to cut ties and move on. You CAN interview other prosthetists to get the “best fit” for your situation and personality, after all, you will have them in your corner for the rest of your life. You deserve the best!

 

 

This week there are several things you can be doing to overcome the fear of letting go:

The Past:

Try to stay focused on the present. Letting go of past hurts and mistakes can be hard and some days will be harder than others. Just keep telling yourself that you forgive_________, and repeat it over and over again. Find ways to stay in the present and start finding goals to occupy your time. Letting go of past hurts and mistakes, or even heartbreak of losing a limb, just keep living in the now and finding the joy in the day to day events. Over time you will feel the weight of the past giving way to joys of future journeys.

The Uncontrollable:

It’s inevitable that we worry about things out of our control, so don’t fret when you succumb to that way of thinking. Recognize that you are worrying about something you can not control and refocus on what is in your control.  This takes mindfulness. You must be present and in the moment to see what you are doing and how it is not helpful. Redirect your thinking to what you CAN do in that particular situation and focus on that. Practice, practice, practice. This one is hard to let go of, but your heart and body will thank you when you do!

Relationships:

This goes out to those new amputees who feel like they aren’t in the right m medical office. Don’;t be afraid to communicate exactly what’s going on with your limb. If you still feel like you aren’t getting the care that you need, and the changes being made so you are comfortable then maybe it’s time to shop for a new provider. Don’t be afraid to do what’s right by you. It’s your life, after all! And you deserve the very best care. Be patient, be kind, but when push comes to shove, if you don’t feel like you are being heard, or time isn’t being spent on you to make necessary adjustments so you are out of pain, then it’s time to say good-bye to the old and find someone new. You deserve to be happy and feel the best you can in your prosthesis.

 

I hope this series on fear helped you in some way or another. If you feel like you know someone that this could speak to, please like and share.

I appreciate each of you and hope you are living your best life.

Until next we and as always,

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!

 

Much love,

Angie

Bouncing Back With Maja and Rosie

Bouncing Back With Maja and Rosie

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A Bright Soul and A Sweet Pup

 

War torn and separated from family, Maja’s story is a great comeback story and includes a sweet Great Dane, Rosie, who is also an amputee.

It looks to be a story of who saved who, and you’d be correct in assuming that.

As you listen in this week, you’ll hear a story that begins with tragedy, suffering, separation, uncertainty, and fear. However as we delve deeper into Maja’s life we will see a strong woman who has found a way to bounce back and make a new life for herself, in a new country, and with a new friend.

 

 

 

In war torn Bosnian, Maja grew up. A teenager who snuck out one evening, with friends, she found herself outside of her home when a bomb blew up right in her neighborhood and Maja lost all 5 of her friends in that moment, along with being severely injured herself.

One moment she is bleeding out being taken to a makeshift hospital, undergoing amputation- without anesthesia, the next she finds herself getting an opportunity to be taken to the US with a kind lady wanting to make a difference in a child’s life…. and Maja took it, leaving her family behind and traveling to a country where she knew no one and didn’t know the language.

Fast forward 15 years and night terrors and PTSD set in, enter Rosie, a Great Dane pup who lost her leg and in need of a good home.

This is a comeback story for the ages. A must listen and one to help you rise up and conquer your own situation.

When things happen to us, we have a decision to make: are we the victim or the hero of our story? We get to decide that for ourselves.

When you feel like you have had a setback in your life, realize that this setback is setting you up for a comeback. When we change our thinking we can change the outcome.

Thank you, Maja, for spending time with us, telling your story and being a positive light in this world. Your ability to see the positive and let go of the past is remarkable and a beacon of hope for all who hear your story. May you continue to find peace and healing everyday.

 

 

 

Somebody’s Watching Me

Somebody’s Watching Me

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….. And They’re Watching You, Too.

I know, that sounds creepy but it’s not what you think.  Did you know that you influence and impact more people daily than you realize?

As a parent I knew right away that my boys were watching me, my every move, even when it appeared that they were enthralled in a movie, game, or activity! They’d say something, or repeat me, or act the way I did. Wow! What an eye opener that was for me as a mom. Now as an amputee I am realizing that people are watching, every move feels like it’s being monitored.

At first you might think they are just being rude and it makes you feel uncomfortable, almost paralyzing, afraid of stumbling or looking weak and incapable; at least that’s how I felt.  Then I decided to make eye contact and smile….and you know what?  People started opening up!  They’d ask if it was rude to ask what happened, if I was a vet, if I’m comfortable in a prosthetic.  Some people would tell me about their journey and rough patches they were going through. Some even asked my thoughts on amputation because they were at that juncture in their own life.  I mean, wow!

Connection. Comradery. Compassion.

People are curious, they have questions and want to understand what it’s like to be an amputee and what makes us tick.

After my journey from injury to amputation, and now beyond, I feel it is my purpose, and obligation, to help others. If I have experiences that can help someone else through their trials then I need to share my experiences, good and bad. I have found that talking with others, sharing my story, my journey, not only gives them insight and a foundation to help them along their path, it also fills my bucket up, motivates me, and puts a spring in my step that day.

I love sharing my story with anyone who asks. I love showing curious children my leg and helping their parents understand that it’s ok for their children to be curious and ask questions.  I wished more amputees were so open, but the reality is that some are hurting inside, struggling to make sense of what they are going through, wondering if they can carry on.  If that’s you, I’m sorry you are going through that, but know you are not alone and you don’t have to be stuck in that mental space.

Break free from those mental and physical confines by sharing your experience, you’ll be surprised how healing that can be.  When you share your story, you let go of some of those hard emotions by allowing others to absorb them, listening to you, and validating your feelings and struggles.  And when they share their own struggles in reply you’ll realize you AREN’T alone after all, which is such a load off your heart.

I’m telling you, it is an AMAZING feeling to share your journey, your struggles, your successes with people who are strangers that become invested and lift you up with their words.

Embrace that you are different. Share your story, you may help someone along the way. I know you’ll be helping yourself when you do.

 

 

This week I challenge you to make eye contact, smile and see what relationships you create, and who’s lives you’ll touch with your story. It’s time to face the fears you have about your circumstance. It won’t be easy for some of you but I can tell you that I haven’t met a person who hasn’t made a difference in my life when I’ve made those connections.  I love telling people what I went through. I’m proud of the courage it took me to get here. I’m proud of how hard I’ve worked to get over being self-conscience, and how hard I’ve worked to achieve things some people never thought I could do as an amputee.  Be proud of your story and the scars you have, and share it with who ever is curious. You will feel liberated and find healing in opening up.

Get out there and be brave. Share your journey.  You have so much to offer this world.

As always:

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!

Much love,

Angie

 

 

Fear

Fear

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Everything you want in life is on the other side of fear.  To be able to accomplish those goals you will have to face those things that scare you or stand down and not accomplish them.  The choice is yours, every single time.

You may have also heard the saying that fear can either represent:

Forget Everything And Run

or

Face Everything And Rise

 

I understand fear, and the chance that I may not succeed. The fear of failure, or looking “stupid” trying and failing, is real. I hate NOT being able to do something that I set out to do and have really had to dig down deep to push through the fear of failing at it. Losing my leg has definitely made me face that fear every single day. It became a thrive and survive situation for me with no way out except through.  I have learned a lot about me, learned to control my emotions as I face fearful situations, and grace when I don’t succeed on the first try. I pick myself back up and try again, and again, and again, until I get it done, and done right.

The reality is that every day we all face something that can stop us in our tracks or push us to rise and conquer, and each day we have a choice on how we will handle the situations that confront us.  What will you choose? How will you handle the fears that challenge you?

I know that each of our stories is different, but fear is fear. What I have realized from overcoming amputation is that when I choose to push through the challenges and fears in my life, I am richly rewarded with success, which then helps me drive through the next situation.

This can be your story too! Don’t let fear take hold of you and dictate your life. Grab the bull by the horns and take charge. You only get this one life, you deserve to find happiness, live well, and be healthy.

 

I am still learning to function in my running blade. It isn’t easy and I have a lot of fear associated with it, as I often trip and fall hard. The past few days I have worn it into the gym and gotten on the treadmill and worked out in it. I have been pushing past the fear that people are watching and if I fall and get hurt, I would be mortified, and yet I continue to wear it and work through it, at my own pace. My stress levels are a bit higher than if I went into the gym with my normal leg, but I wouldn’t learn to rise from this fear and overcome it.  The only way to winning this war is straight through. I must have patience and grace with myself as I learn to function with this leg, so I will continue on this path until I don’t feel this way anymore.

 

Now it’s your turn:

Start now. What are you most fearful of right now in your life? Start small, if you must, fear is fear. Your goal this week is to face your fear head on and push through. You may get burned, you may stumble and fall-metaphorically or literally like in my case, but work at it. Each day spend time facing it, dealing with it, instead of pushing it aside for “another day”. This is the day to rise up and feel great about yourself. By completing something difficult or challenging yourself to something you fear you grow. You build character and come out a little stronger, and a little wiser, ready to take on the next roadblock that appears in your life.

Best of luck at kicking fear aside and rise from the situation this week. Attack and don’t give up. Have grace with yourself if you fall down, pick yourself up by the bootstraps, and go at it again, until you find success. You can do it, I have faith in you!

And as always:

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!!

 

Much love,

Angie

The look of facing fear and coming out on top! 💪
Being Comfortable With Being Uncomfortable

Being Comfortable With Being Uncomfortable

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 43:12 — 47.7MB)

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Using Fear to Grow and Overcome Obstacles

What holds you back from accomplishing your goals, your dreams?

What stops you from moving forward, creating anxiety within you?

If you are crippled by fear and can’t seem to move forward in pursuing your goals just know you are not alone.  Everyone has some sort of fear: fear of failure, fear of acceptance, fear of being alone or in pain. The issue is never about whether you have a fear or not, it’s about how much it controls your life.

I use to tell my sons, when they were little, that it was ok to have fears, as long as it doesn’t control you or stop you from being healthy, happy and living your life.  Fear is defined by Merriam-Webster as an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger; anxious concern. Fear is the most general term and implies anxiety and usually a loss of courage.  Sometimes fear is defined as a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger or pain, whether the threat is real or imagined.

For most of us, we experience fear based on past, unpleasant experiences. It makes sense. If I went rock climbing a year ago and my foot slipped and I went sliding down the face of the rock, scrapping up my body, I might instantly feel anxiety well up inside of me when a friend suggests we go rock climbing today. As adults, we tend to hold onto past experiences, good and bad, and file those moments away, only to have them resurface when we perceive that we are walking into a similar situation.

However, this only becomes a problem when it creates a roadblock in our living. If we allow that fear, that anxiety, to stop us from experiencing life, then we’ve allowed it to define us.

Once we realize that fear is just a part of human nature then we can learn from it, and dare I say, use it as a tool to help us grow and actually enjoy new experiences. We don’t grow in our comfort zones, we grow when we get pushed  into uncomfortable situations. It forces us to improvise, it heightens our alertness and makes us aware of our limits, helping us to push our minds and bodies into new, unchartered territories.

This is how I have felt since becoming an amputee. Each day I feel that there is something that makes me become more alert, anxious, or even fearful. When I first learned to walk in my prosthetic I worried about falling and hurting myself, or making myself look foolish in public. Then as I got better at walking I tried to run. I’d put on my running blade, but would only go out at night so no one could see me stumble, look awkward, or stare at me. Fear of not being good enough stopped me from getting out in daylight, when it was safer and easier to see the road. I eventually got past that enough to go out earlier, but I still felt uncomfortable. Each day would bring it’s own set of issues, anxiety and discomfort. I tried a lot of new things like sled hockey and surfing, for the first time as an amputee. And each one of these was a test of my fortitude on pushing past my own insecurities. I am a perfectionist and very competitive with myself and others.

If you can do it, so can I.

If you tell me I can’t because I’m missing a leg, I’ll show you that I can. (That might actually be the stubbornness in me).

Skiing in Colorado March 2021

 

In today’s podcast I share with you my journey at getting back to skiing and how fear of falling takes away from the experience. I want to enjoy skiing again. To be outside, breathing in the fresh air, getting exercise and making a connection with my family.

So what do you do when fear takes hold? How do you push past discomfort and really start living your life?  It’s a mindset. It’s positive self-talk, your own personal pep-talks.  It’s about goal setting.

This goes back to the vision boards I talked about in the last episode. If you didn’t hear that podcast you can take a listen here

My vision board

A vision board is a place to put your dreams, goals, positive messages. Once you’ve created it you will have a place to go to keep yourself motivated. When you start to worry or doubt yourself or your capabilities, look to your vision board. You also need to remember that goals take time, and the bigger the goal the more grace you need to have with yourself and the setbacks that may occur. I remind myself, daily, that baby steps are still steps.

When we went skiing this past week, my first day on the slopes wasn’t my best. I just wasn’t feeling it, my movements were tense and unsure. We didn’t ski again until the end of the week, and quite frankly I couldn’t help but worry that I was going to feel the same way as before. Part of me would have been content with not skiing again….but I decided to push myself into uncomfortableness and try again, and you know what? I had a great day of skiing! I relaxed, worked on breathing, remembered some techniques I had been taught by my adaptive ski instructors from the previous year and enjoyed my day (and yes, I even talked to myself, affirming my skills and capabilities as a skier). When all was said and done, I was grateful I pushed myself out of my comfort zone that day. I wiped away the negative memories of the first day of skiing and replaced them with healthy, positive ones. The funny thing about that, I am the only one who saw my progress, because it was internal. It was the way I felt out there and how I moved from being uncomfortable to comfortable. This was MY victory. I conquered my fears and came out on top.

You need to remember that you CAN do anything. You set your goals, you speak and write affirming words to motivate and push yourself forward, you surround yourself with a tribe of people who can support you-mentally, emotionally, physically.

It may not be easy, but you can accomplish your goals, and when you do, when you learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable, it’ll be then that you will truly be living your best life. And nothing will be able to stop you.

Call to Action:

This week, write down a fear you have. Something you want to conquer. Decide on the goal and the steps you’ll need to take to get to that goal. Add the desired outcome to your vision board or tape it on the mirror in your bathroom, somewhere you can see it everyday, someplace that will be a constant reminder of what you want to accomplish. Now go for it!! Reminder: some days will be better than others (remember my first day of skiing was the pits) but don’t give up. I challenge you to enjoy the journey, with its ups and downs. Get after it, have grace with yourself. If you take a step backward, don’t GIVE up- GET up, and attack it again. You can do this!!

Finally, lean on someone. Ask for accountability and support from someone you trust. If you struggle with that, reach out to me, let me help you.

Make sure you let me know how you’re doing.

Tell me what your goals and dreams are in the comments below, or email me. I’d love to hear about your journey. I’m here.

Best wishes on conquering your fear(s).

Speaking of conquering fears, next week I have a special guest. My friend, Mike Coots, joins me from Kauai, HI. He is an amazing photographer, shark advocate, surfer, and an amputee who lost his leg in a shark attack! Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss it!

Until next time:

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!

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